Metropolis' Chocolate salewomans

ANOTHER FANFICTION USING THE CHARACTERS FROM THE DC SUPER HERO GIRLS 2019 TV SERIES
''[Barbara Gordon (Batgirl) is sitting inside of her mailbox, happily humming. She checks her watch. The mailman arrives opens the mailbox, and Barbara suddenly pops out her head from the mailbox]''

Barbara: Hi, mailman!

[The mailman screams in terror and runs away dropping some letters]

Barbara: Okay, [gets out of the mailbox] see you tomorrow!

[Harleen Quinzel (Harley Quinn) walks up]

Harleen: Hey, Babsie Wabsie the mail's here! So what did you get?

Barbara: [gets out of the mailbox] Let's see... [looks through the mail tossing letters away] Ace, Ace, Ace, Ace, Ace, Ace, hey! A magazine!

[Barbara looks at the magazine]

Barbara: That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.

Barbara and Harleen: [look inside the magazine] Whoa!

Barbara: Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living!

[A picture of a rich person's wearing a tuxedo, top hat and a red bowtie in a swimming pool is shown]

Barbara: This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!

[A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money]

Harleen: [points at the man's feet] This guy's got shoes!

Zee Zatara (Zatanna): Oh, that's my magazine? [takes the magazine] Finally is here I've been waiting three months for that.

Barbara: Hey, Zee, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?

Zee: They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.

Barbara: What kind of things?

Zee: How should I know? Things people wanna buy. [walks off to her house] Now if you excuse me i have a magazine to read and keep your hands off my mail.

Barbara: That's it, Harleen! We gotta become entrepreneurs!

Harleen: Is that gonna hurt?

Barbara: Quick, Linnie Beanie, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?

Harleen: Uh... [sweats] More time for thinking.

Barbara: No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.

Harleen: [pops up behind her] A chocolate bar?

Barbara: That's a great idea, Harleen! We'll become traveling chocolate bar saleswoman!

Harleen: For realsies?

Barbara: For realsies!

[The scene changes to Barbara and Harleen exiting a 24/7 store carrying many chocolate bars]

Barbara: Fancy living, here we come!

Harleen: Make way for a couple of ontre-prenyouers! [the two girls walk up to a house]

Barbara: Okay, Harleen, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.

[Barbara runs up and knocks on the door, Cartel Hall (Hawkman) opens the door]

Barbara: Good afternoon, sir, could we interest you in some [holds up chocolate bar] chocolate?

Cartel Hall: Chocolate? Did you say, Chocolate?!

Harleen: Yes, sir. With or without nuts? [holds two chocolate bars with one wrapped in a peanut in a no sign]

Barbara: That will be 20 dollars.

Cartel Hall: Chocolate?! [screaming with bloodshot eyes] Chocolate?! Chocolate! Chocolate!

''[Barbara and Harleen look at each other terrified they slowly back away, and then run off. Cartel Hall chases them while madly screaming "Chocolate!". The scene cuts to Barbara ringing the doorbell of another house]''

Barbara: Okay, the first guy didn't count. This is our real first step! [Leslie Willis (Livewire) opens the door] Good morning, Leslie! Would you like to buy some chocolate?

Leslie: [smirks] Chocolate bars, eh?

Barbara: Yes, miss, we are chocolate bar saleswoman!

Leslie: Ha! A couple of mediocre saleswoman if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise!

[Harleen is shown holding many chocolate bars in her pants]

Leslie: No, no no no, wrong. You girls wanna be good saleswoman, right?

Barbara and Harleen: Oh, most certainly, miss!

Leslie: Well, [chuckles] no self respecting candy bar saleswoman would be caught dead without one of these! [holds up a bright-orange bag]

Barbara: Wow... what is it?

Leslie: It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!

[Barbara tries to touch it]

Leslie: [pulls bag away] But, I'm wasting my time. [walks inside] You don't need these bags.

Barbara and Harleen: We need 'em! We need 'em!

Barbara: [takes the bags from Leslie] Thanks, Leslie.

''[Leslie smiles evily, the scene changes to Leslie counting money. Barbara and Harleen are walking away with armfuls of bags]''

Leslie: So long, girls! Happy hunting! [laughs when the two aren't looking] Suckers... [walks back inside]

Barbara and Harleen: [singing as they run off] Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!

Barbara: Let's try next door!

[Barbara walks up and rings the doorbell with her foot, Leslie Willis comes out]

Leslie: Yes?

Barbara: [confused] Huh? Leslie? Say, weren't you the same girl who sold us these candy bar bags?

Leslie: I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. [Holds up two large maroon bags]

Harleen: [pulling out money] We'll take twenty!

[Scene changes to Barbara knocking on the door of a different house, Lois Lane comes out]

Lois Lane: Oh, what can I do for you two nice young girls?

Barbara: We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?

Lois Lane: That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.

Barbara: One chocolate bar, coming up!

[Barbara unzips the bag pulling out another bag]

Barbara: Huh? [keeps pulling more bags repeatedly, laughs nerviosly while Harleen is zipping and unzipping her shoes]

Lois Lane: [looks at her watch] I don't have time for this.

[Lois Lane goes back inside]

Barbara: [pulls out a chocolate bar] I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice— [sees something off camera; it is revealed to be Cartel Hall, still screaming]

Cartel Hall: [Offscreen] Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!

Barbara: lady. ''[Cartel Hall chases Barbara and Harleen again while screaming "Chocolate!". The scene cuts to Barbara and Harleen sitting in the Sweet Justice]'' We're not doing so well, Harleen. We need a new approach, a new tactic.

Harleen: Hm... I got it! Let's get naked!

Barbara: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate. There must be something. What was the reason we bought those bags?

Harleen: She said we were mediocre...

Barbara: That's it! She made us feel special!

Harleen: Yeah, she did... I'm going back to buy more bags!

[Harleen runs to the door]

Barbara: No, wait, Harleen!

[Harleen freezes in place]

Barbara: Why don't we try being nice?

Harleen: Oh, okay.

[Scene changes to Barbara and Harleen walking up to Karen's house]

Barbara: Remember, Harleen, flatter the customer. Make her feel good.

[Harleen knocks on the door, Karen Beecher (Bumblebee) opens the door]

Karen: Hello?

Harleen: I love you.

[A harp is heard playing, Karen stares blanky at Barbara and Harleen for a few seconds, then she slams her door shut in extreme disgust, a tuba is heard playing after the slamming]

Barbara: I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, Harl. Let me try.

[Barbara rings the doorbell, Karen opens the door]

Karen: [looking scared] Please. G-Go away!

Barbara: Um, [clears throat] Hey Karen, H-H-How you doin'?

Karen: How am I doing?

Barbara: Wanna buy some chocolate?

Harleen: We got her now!

Barbara: It cost twenty dollars.

Karen: Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover girl?

[Harleen's looks at her belly and is bubbling]

Harleen: Hee hee, it tickles!

Karen: As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.

[Karen holds up a picture of an obese self at age 13]

Karen: You can keep that for five bucks.

Harleen: [pulling out money] I'll take ten!

[Cut to Barbara with a sad look on her face walking, a sad song plays]

Barbara: We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that we're too easily distracted.

[Cut to Harleen staring at the pictures]

Harleen: Huh?

[Far cut]

Barbara: [raises her fist] Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.

Harleen: [removes pictures from her face] Huh?

Barbara: [holds out her hand for a handshake] Let's shake on it.

Harleen: [looks at Barbara confused] Did you say something?

[Cut to the other customer's house, Barbara and Harleen are seen entering the view]

Barbara: Remember, Harleen, focus.

[Cut to the door, Barbara knocks on it, a man answers]

Man: Yes.

Barbara: Good afternoon, sir, we're selling chocolate bars.

[hypnotic music plays as Harleen somehow moves up to the man with stretching her eyes going in and out back and forth]

Man: Why is that weirdo here staring at me?

[Cut to Harleen's eyes]

Harleen: Focusing.

[Cut to the inside of the man's house]

Man: [freaks out] Back up, Jack!

[The man slams the door on Harleen's eyes]

Harleen: Oof! [looking around the man's house] Nice place you got in here.

''[Clock Wipe come up and cut to the next scene. Harleen is eating a chocolate bar]''

Barbara: I can't understand what were doing wrong.

Harleen: I can't understand anything.

Barbara: There's something to this selling game that were just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that! [points to a sign]

[Cut to the sign]

Harleen: [reading the sign] Eat Sushi Chips, they're delicious.

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen]

Barbara: They are most certainly not delicious!

Harleen: [smiling] Not the way I use them!

[Cut to Barbara]

Barbara: Yet they sell millions of bags a day!

[Cut to Harleen]

Harleen: Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen]

Barbara: [happily] That's it, Harleen! We've gotta stretch the truth!

Cartel Hall: [offscreen] Chocolate!

[Barbara and Harleen run off, cut to another house]

Barbara: We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up, and then you come in for the kill!

Harleen: The kill!

[Barbara uses the doorbell, an old woman answers]

Old Woman: Yes?

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen]

Barbara: Hello, young lady.

[Barbara winks at Harleen, Harleen then chuckles]

Barbara: We're selling chocolate. [gets a closer look at the old woman] Is your mother home?

[Cut to the old woman]

Old Woman: Mom!

Old Woman's Mom: [enters from the right side of the house who is really old in a wheelchair] What, what, what's all the yelling?

''[Cut to Barbara and Harleen who have stunned looks on their faces. Cut back to the old woman's mother]''

Old Woman's Mom: You just can't wait for me to die, can you?!

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen]

Old Woman: They're selling chocolate.

Old Woman's Mom: Chocolate?

Old Woman: Yeah!

[Cut to the old woman and her mom]

Old Woman's Mom: What, what are they selling?

Old Woman: Chocolates!

Old Woman's Mom: What?

Old Woman: Chocolates!

Old Woman's Mom: I can't hear you!

Old Woman: They're selling chocolates!

Old Woman's Mom: They're selling chocolate?

Old Woman: Yeah!

[Cut to a close-up of the old woman's mother smiling]

Old Woman's Mom: Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.

[Cut back to view to the old woman and her mom]

Old Woman's Mom: I always hated it!

[Cut to Barbara sweating]

Barbara: Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...

[Harleen comes from the top left]

Harleen: You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.

Old Woman: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

[Cut to the old woman and her mom]

Old Woman's Mom: Live forever, you say? I'll take one.

[the old woman slaps her face in annoyance]

Barbara: Twenty dollars please.

[Cut to the outside, the old woman pays Barbara twenty dollars]

Old Woman's Mom: [from inside the house] Come on, you lazy sack! [cut to the old woman] Start rubbing me with that chocolate!

Old Woman: [looking at Barbara and Harleen angrily] I hate you. [slams the door.]

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen]

Barbara: If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!

Harleen: [raising fist] Hooray for lying!

[Clock Wipe transition to Barbara and Harleen, Harleen is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh]

Barbara: It'll make your hair grow.

[cut to a bald man]

Man: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen, Harleen has a sad face this time]

Barbara: They'll make you sound smart.

[Cut to a hillbilly holding money]

Hillbilly: [southern accent] I'll take twenty!

[Cut to Harleen]

Harleen: It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.

[Cut to the two Harleens]

Harleen 2: Just In time.

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen over and over]

Barbara: They'll make you fly!

Harleen: You'll fall in love!

Barbara: They'll bring world peace!

Harleen: You'll walk through walls!

Barbara: [echoing] You'll rule the world!

''[Cut to a door, Barbara and Harleen are wrapped in casts. Cut close to Harleen]''

Harleen: This'll be the best lie yet!

[Cut to Barbara]

Barbara: Yeah, this guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate! And also we can earn more money!

[Customer opens door]

Customer: What can I do for you girls?

[cut to Barbara and Harleen]

Barbara: Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.

Harleen: Besides, I have some broken ribs.

Barbara: And my legs are fractured.

Customer: Really?

[Cut to the customer, who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body with a oxygent mask and a eye patch on his right eye]

Customer: Small world. What's the matter with you girls?

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen, who are completely stunned]

Barbara: [nervously] Um, we've got some head trauma and internal bleeding.

Customer: Ah, some guys have all the luck.

[A violin begins]

Customer: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen, they both have faces meaning that they were about to cry]

Customer: At night, [As Barbara looks up sadly, a tear runs down her face] I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.

[Cut to the customer, the wires snap]

Customer: [About to fall] Oh, no...

[A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps]

Customer: [on the last step] Ow...

[Cut to Harleen]

Harleen: Oh, poor guy!

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen]

Barbara: Quick, Harleen, let's help him!

''[Cut to the inside of the house. Barbara and Harleen enter from the left carrying him]''

Barbara: Careful, put him down gently.

[Harleen drops the customer's head, a glass breaking sound is heard]

Barbara: Harleen!

Harleen: Oops! sorry.

[Cut close to the customer]

Customer: [in pain] Ow...!

[Cut to Barbara]

Barbara: You poor, poor thing. If there's anything, anything we can do to help you?

[Cut to the customer]

Customer: Well, there is one thing... as you can well imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling... chocolate bars. [gestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes.]

Barbara and Harleen: We need them!

Barbara: [gives the customer all the money] There you go sir. I hope you feel better.

''[Clock wipe come up and cut to the next scene. Cut to the customer looking out her window as Barbara and Harleen walk by]''

Customer: Such nice girls, [far cut to the customer] it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two Ha ha ha!

[Cut to a close-up of the customer laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his costume off to reveal himself as Leslie Willis from earlier.]

[Cut to the street]

Barbara: [grunting] Don't get me wrong, Linnie Beanie. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to.

[Barbara makes another grunting noise, she trips up on a rock and falls, cut to Barbara with a box flat on her face]

Barbara: Let's admit it, Harleen. We're failures.

Harleen: [walks in from the left] I can live with that. [places the box on Barbara's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound]

Barbara: Let's change our names to Why and Bother.

[Cartel Hall appears behind the box]

Cartel Hall: Chocolate! [screams and knocks Barbara and Harleen and the boxes over.]

''[Cut to Barbara and Harleen. Barbara and Harleen babble hugging each other]''

Barbara: [simultaneously with Harleen] No! Don't hurt us! Please don't hurt me! No no. Please!...

Harleen: [simultaneously with Barbara] No! Have mercy on me! Please spare me!

[Cuts to Cartell Hall laughing manically]

Cartel Hall: Finally! I've been trying to catch you girls all day! Now that I got you right where I want you... [turns back to normal] I'd like to buy all your chocolate. [Holds up a large amount of cash.]

''[Cut to Barbara and Harleen looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Harleen's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss. Cut back to the three, Barbara and Harleen melt into a puddle]''

Barbara: Thank you for your patronage.

[Clock Wipe come up and cut to the next scene, Harleen is pushing a wheelbarrow]

Harleen: Are we living the fancy life yet, Babsie Wabsie?

[Cut to the money in the barrel, Barbara pops out]

Barbara: Not yet, Linnie Beanie! First, we got to spend all the money.

[Cut to Barbara and Harleen]

Harleen: But what are we going to spend it on?

[Cut to Barbara thinking.]

''[Clock Wipe come up and cut to the next scene, a restaurant with "Fancy!" on top is seen. Cut to the inside of the restaurant]''

Zee: [walking in from the left] Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.

Server: Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party.

[Cut to Zee shocked]

Zee: But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restaurant?

Server: Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs [leans over to Zee] and their dates.

[Cut to Barbara, Harleen, the old woman, and the old woman's mother; the old woman is seen holding a glass]

Barbara: So, how long have you two ladies known each other?

[Pause]

Old Woman's Mother: What? What did she say?

THE END.