Shanghaied EQG Version A Spongebob Parody

My Fanfiction with Spongebob and Cartoon Crossovers

[the episode starts at the art class]

Harvey Beaks: Ah, how I have dreamed of this day. “Mr. Beaks, Professor of Art”. Heh, “Professor of Art.” I could get used to that. Anyway, today presents itself as a marvelous opportunity for the good citizens of Toon City. Bring me your huddle masses of bored house wives and I will shape them into my image.

[the wife's head turns into Harvey's and the husband notices]

Harvey Beaks: I'll go down in history. And someday, there will be a wing with my name on it in all the museums of the world!

Compax: Pfft…. Dude, you're teaching art at the Rec Center.

Sweepz: Yeah. It’s really not that special. Calm down.

Harvey Beaks: Hmph! Uncultured trashoz.

[Suddenly, the sound of the clock went off, with Harvey immediately taking notice of the time]

Harvey Beaks: Ooh! 9 AM. Time to let the class in. Hurry hurry, Harvey. Don't want to keep them waiting any longer.

[Harvey opens door]

Harvey Beaks: Welcome to.... Art Class!

Chowder: Oh, isn't this cooking?

Harvey Beaks: Erm, beg your pardon?

Chowder: Sorry.

[Chowder and everyone else in Toon City leaves except Leni Loud]

Leni Loud: Hi, Harvey! Nice outfit. Are you taking this art class, too?

Harvey Beaks: L-L-L-Leni?! I-in art class?!?! W-wait! This is cooking! Come back!!! Pleeeeeaaase!!!!

Leni Loud: No, silly! This is art class, remember? Hee hee!

Harvey Beaks: Oh, You've got to be kidding me.

Leni Loud: [laughs] Hahahahaha! This is great! You and me in school together. So, where's the teacher?

Harvey Beaks: [sighs] Fortunately for you, You're looking at him.

Leni Loud: [gasps] You are the teacher?! To my pupil?!?! Woooooow! This isn't art class, it's Heaven.

Harvey Beaks: Yeeeeah..... Well, Grab a little piece of “Heaven” and let's get on with it, Leni.

Leni Loud: I'm ready, Mr. Beaks.

Harvey Beaks: [sighs] Very well. So, you wanna be an artist, eh, Leni?

Leni Loud: Yes, please.

Harvey Beaks: Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but contrary to popular belief, art is not all fun and games.

[Harvey picks up a big stack of books]

Harvey Beaks: As in fact, It's a lot-! of! hard!!...

[Harvey drops the stack, which makes Leni's desk hop in the air]

Harvey Beaks: rrgh...... work!!!. [panting] Oh My Gosh.... [panting]

Leni Loud: Well, like you said, it’s a lot of hard work! [laughs]

Harvey Beaks: [to the viewers] Ugh.... it's going to be a looooong day, isn't it? [to Leni] Okay Leni. First, repeat after me: I have no talent.

Leni Loud: I have no talent.

Harvey Beaks: Mr. Beaks has all the talent.

Leni Loud: Mr. Beaks has all the talent.

Harvey Beaks: If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Beaks's talent may rub off on me.

Leni Loud: If I'm lucky…. erm, uh…. Mr. Talent will rub his Harvey’s…. um, beak all over my.... art. [smiles]

[The scene cuts to Harvey with a sad look on his face, the camera cuts back to Leni and she is still smiling, the camera again cuts back to Harvey]

Harvey Beaks: Right…. Okay. Since you're telling me you have no prior training, we'll have to start from the basics, starting with square one. Or should I say circle one.

[Harvey draws a crooked circle]

Harvey Beaks: [laughs] Get it? Heh, heh, uh…. [sighs] Am I going too fast for you Leni?

Leni Loud: Just a second! [she was working on a piece of paper] And….. done! How's this, Harvey?

Harvey Beaks: [gasps] W-what the? H-how the? A-a perfect circle?! Erm… Do it again! Show your process!

Leni Loud: Well, first, I draw this head, [draws an amazing head] then, I erase some of the more detailed features, and one, two, three... a circle, uhh, thingy.

Harvey Beaks: Give. Me. That! [crumples paper] Forget the circles!

Leni Loud: Ooh, nice one Harvey. Let me try.

Harvey Beaks: Just what are you doing?!

Leni Loud: Ta-da! Looky, Harvey. It's you and me playing leapfrog. That's you on the bottom. [laughs]

Harvey Beaks: Leni! Give that here! [rips up paper] There is nothing artistic about leapfrog!

[Leni puts all the pieces together]

Harvey Beaks: [sighs] What are you doing, now?

Leni Loud: I call it: Rippy Bits. First you take a bunch of old, ripped up paper, and then you make a new picture out of it. See? You're on top...this...time. [blushing embarrassedly] Uh…. heh heh?

[Leni blows the paper, embarrassedly]

Harvey Beaks: [angrily] Rrrgh…. Leni…. Do you want to learn art, or not?!

Leni Loud: I'm sorry, Harvey, I'll listen!

Harvey Beaks: [sighs] Alright, Leni, pay close attention. Look at your marble. Visualize the sculpture within. And gently.... [hits the marble with chisel; and it breaks into a pile of rubble]

Harvey Beaks: [facepalms] Aww, Corn Bucket.

Leni Loud: [hits the marble with chisel and it becomes a perfect sculpture of Michelangelo's David] How's this Harvey?

Harvey Beaks: [starry-eyed] O-oh my! It’s…. It's beautiful! [a tear falls from his eyes]

Leni Loud: [gasps] You really mean it, Harvey?

Harvey Beaks: Doh! I mean…. Leni, what were you thinking?

Leni Loud: W-what? W-w-w-what do you mean? [her lips started quivering]

Harvey Beaks: I mean... this isn't a sculpture.

Leni Loud: I-it’s not?

Harvey Beaks: Of course not! Why, A good sculpture takes... erm, more time. I mean, come on, Leni, You can't just sculpt Willie-Nillie. You've got to go by the book. Follow the rules.

[Leni wipes away a tear]

Harvey Beaks: Otherwise, you'll never get passed Amateur Hour, in here. Besides, you've got the beak wrong.

[Harvey puts a beak like his on the sculpture]

Harvey Beaks: And.... There, now it's art. Do you see now, Leni?..... Leni Loud?

[Leni is just sitting there and remained silent]

Harvey Beaks: L-Leni? Are you alright?

Leni Loud: Y-yes. I’m alright. Because now I understand.

Harvey Beaks: Oh! Well, good. Now we can move on to-

Leni Loud: [starts crying] Understand that I’m a complete failure!

Harvey Beaks: Erm, what?

Leni Loud: Ohhh, it's so obvious, Harvey. I would've never thought of that.

Harvey Beaks: Thought of what?

Leni Loud: Everything you just said and did! Oh, I'm sorry, Harvey. I came here to learn and I arrogantly shoved your lessons. [falls down and starts crying] I'll never be a great artist like you!

Harvey Beaks: L-Leni, t-that’s not what I meant!

Leni Loud: [sniffs] I don't deserve your tutoring. I don't deserve to be in your presence.

[Leni crawls over to the front door and looks back at Harvey]

Leni Loud: I don't even deserve to use your doors!

[Leni pushes the doors open fowards, but the doors open backwards, hitting Leni out the window into the garbage dumpster head-first]

Leni Loud: But I did deserve that.

[the dumpster closes on top of him]

Leni Loud: I deserved that, too.

[the garbage man takes to dump]

Leni Loud: And I deserve this!

[Back in class, Harvey, with a heavy heart, now took a moment to contemplate on what just happened]

Harvey Beaks: [to the viewers] Oh dear, what have I done? ''All Leni wanted to do was to learn and express herself. And isn’t that what art is really all about? And did Leni “arrogantly shove my lessons?”, or rather, have I arrogantly shoved away Leni? [sighs] Well, let's face it, everyone. Not only have I failed as a teacher, I’ve failed as an artist, and a friend….. Unless….. [gasps] Perhaps it’s not too late! Oh, I better go see Leni and-!''

Flain: [opens the door] Uh, Hello, there?

Harvey Beaks: [answered to Flain] Hmm?

Flain: Uh, ‘sup, dude? Doh! I mean, uh, Good day, sir?

Harvey Beaks: Oh, Sorry, class has been dismissed. I’m afraid You're too late.

Flain: Class? Oh, I’m not here for any class. Sorry, seems I’ve left my manners at home, heh heh. Anyway, My name is Flain Infernite.

Harvey Beaks: [gasps] Flain Infernite?! As in the world famous leader of the Infernites-turned-art collector?! That same Flain Infernite?!

Flain: Uh, well, when you put it that way, then…. yeah! Sure! The one and only.

Harvey Beaks: Oh, it is so good to see you again!

Flain: Again? Have we met before?

Harvey Beaks: Why yes! Don’t you remember? You know, that time when I first met you and we've work together to save both of our worlds?

Flain: Hmm…. oh! That was you?! Oh, now I remember! Heh, guess it’s been a while, but nice to see ya again!

Harvey Beaks: Um, sure. Well, anyway, I must say that you have been a big inspiration to me! In fact, your A Thousand Nights in a Hallway piece was what really got me interested in pursuing art in the first place.

Flain: You serious? Heh, gee thanks!

Harvey Beaks: So, what are you doing here?

Flain: Well, let’s just say that I'm on a bit of a shopping spree. scopin’ out for some new talent that I can showcase in my upcoming collection in Toon City. And i'm buying art for my new museum.

Harvey Beaks: Really?! Well, Flain, luckily for you, Your search is over. I am Toon City's greatest artiste. And for I have a few pieces right here that would look positively smashing in your collection! Just give me a moment.

[After rummaging through a box filled with pieces dating back to when he first started, Harvey now presented his first ever piece]

Harvey Beaks: Here it is! I call this one: "Harvey en repose".

Flain: Uh…. yeah, I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection.

Harvey Beaks: Huh? Why not?

Flain: Because, it's an art collection. Hahaha! [laughs]

Harvey Beaks: Uh, heh heh heh…. yeah…. ''[to the viewers] Nothing to get worked up about it, guys. Criticism only pushes me to get better! [to Flain]'' Okay, How about this one? I call it: Bold and Brash.

Flain: More like: Belongs in the Trash. Hahaha! [laughs]

Sweepz: Sorry. I must've missed that one.

[Sweepz grabs the painting and throws it in the trash]

Flain: Look, Harvey, I’ll be honest. There’s not really a whole lot I like in here, so Maybe I should just... huh? What is that?! Oh schnixel, I gotta check this out!

Harvey Beaks: Erm, wait, wait. That's not... uh, uh....

Flain: Angelic form, amazing detail, perfect censorship. Man, I gotta say, This is the work of a true genius. Hey, wait a minute? What in the world is this?! This is the only flaw.

[Flain removes the beak Harvey added on and it lands on Harvey's head]

Flain: Ah, that's more like it.

Harvey Beaks: Um, Flain? I just wanted to say that-

Flain: I simply must find the artist responsible for this!. They shall have fame.

Harvey Beaks: Fame.

[Harvey imagines himself as popular]

Flain: Fortune.

Harvey Beaks: Fortune.

[Harvey imagines himself in a tub full of money]

Flain: Anything there heart desires.

Harvey Beaks: Anything?

[Harvey imagines himself on his own private yacht]

Harvey Beaks: It's me. It's me. I'm responsible!

Flain: I can see it now. Your name in the world's most prestigious museums. I'm gonna make you, immortal! Now, uh, help me get this in the car, will ya? Thanks.

[Harvey proceeded to lift up the rather heavy statue, albeit struggling, and with Flain not even lending a hand]

Harvey Beaks: Erm….! I….. could…. use….. a little…. help….. here, you know!

[the sculpture's head falls off and turns into dust]

Harvey Beaks: Oh no! My fame! My fortune! My yacht!

Flain: Yeesh. Gotta say, if I were you, I’d be cursing my luck right now.

Harvey Beaks: What do you think I’m doing?!

Flain: But, this shouldn't be a problem for an artist of your magnitude. Why, You can just whip up another one, right?

Harvey Beaks: Erm, uh…. Yeah, no problem. You know, between you and me, I wouldn’t even dare consider this to be my best work. Here, why don't you come back…. oh, sometime tomorrow perhaps? and I'll have something that will really knock your socks off.

Flain: Between you and me, I'm not wearing socks. Hahaha! [laughs]

Harvey Beaks: Um, Yeah, sure, no socks. Heh heh…. alright then, see you tomorrow. Take care now, Bye bye then.

Flain: Alright, see ya!

Harvey Beaks: Uh, heh heh…. yeah…….

[Harvey closes the door as Flain walks out]

Harvey Beaks: I’VE GOT TO FIND LENI!

[later at the dump]

Harvey Beaks: Leni... Leni? Leni! Ugh, why did she have to land in a place so filthy?! Leni?

[After just a few minutes of wandering about, Harvey managed to find Leni inside a cereal box on her]

Harvey Beaks: [gasps] Leni! I finally found you!

Leni Loud: [sniffs] Go away, Harvey. I don't deserve your kindness. or generosity or whatever.

Harvey Beaks: Hey, hey, cheer up, kid! As I’ve decided to give you another chance! And with a great teacher like me, anything is possible.

Leni Loud: Don't look at me Harvey. Don't look at my shame.

[Leni slides out of the cereal box]

Leni Loud: These hands weren't meant to create. They only destroy. I can't look at them.

[Leni's hands pop off and run into a soup can]

Harvey Beaks: I suppose I was just jealous of you after seeing you do all those things with the circle, the origami, and everything else with minimal effort. But I guess I should’ve just swallowed my pride and actually have been a teacher to you. What kind of teacher am I if I can’t even allow my students to shine and succeed in their own way? So again, I’m sorry. And nothing would make me happier if you came back to class with me! That is, only if you would like.

[Upon hearing this, Leni immediately sprang up from the ground with her head breaking out of the cereal box and rushed over to Harvey to give him a big hug]

Leni Loud: Are you kidding?! Of course I’ll come back!

Harvey Beaks: I knew you would come around, Leni! Oh, and while you were away, a rather famous artist came by my class looking for pieces he can add to his upcoming collection, and I thought that this would be a perfect opportunity for us to create a work of art together!

Leni Loud: Ooooh! Exciting!

Harvey Beaks: and with my help, we'll be able to take your hands and turn them into tools of beauty.

Leni Loud: Really?

Harvey Beaks: Really!

Leni Loud: Really?

Harvey Beaks: Really!

Leni Loud: Really?

Harvey Beaks: [sighs] Really.

Leni Loud: Wow……….. [pause] Really?

Harvey Beaks: …….Yeah. Let's go, Leni.

Leni Loud: [notices a painting in the dump, gasps] Harvey, look. It's ol' Bold and Brash!

Harvey Beaks: Give me that, [takes the painting] Now let's go.

[back at the classroom]

Harvey Beaks: Alright, Leni. Just do what you did before.

Leni Loud: I... can't!

Harvey Beaks: Ah, ah. Wait, wait. I understand you’re a bit nervous getting back into the fray so quickly, Leni, but here, Let me help. As a warmup, Let's start with the circle again.

Leni Loud: And…. done. I did it, Harvey. [draws a crooked circle]

Harvey Beaks: Huh? W-what?! I-I don’t understand! But, but, what about the head... and the erasing, and the, the...

Leni Loud: Hmm… I don't know, Harvey. That stuff's not in the book.

Harvey Beaks: Um…. yeah…. heh heh. [to the viewers] ''Oh no, what have I done, guys?! I think Leni might have really taken my prior words to heart!! Oh, what do I do? [gasps] Wait, I think I have an idea!''

Harvey Beaks: [to Leni] Uhh... [crumples paper] How about this, huh? Remember?

Leni Loud: That's not in the book, either.

Harvey Beaks: Rrrgh! Forget about the book! [rips book] Hah! Look at all this mess Leni. [he grabs a chair, puts it in front of Leni's desk, and jumps up and down while holding it] What do all these little bits of paper make you want to do?!

Leni Loud: Hmm…. oh wait, I know this. Oh, wait, I think I got it.

[Leni puts the book back together]

Leni Loud: Oh yeah, I think I got this! And…….. Ta-da!

[Harvey's beak melts off his face]

Harvey Beaks: [sighs] Okay, Leni. Let's just move back onto the marble.

Leni Loud: Ah, here we are! First, an artist must concentrate and visualize his concept.

Harvey Beaks: Now you've got it.

Leni Loud: I've gotta embrace the marble!

Harvey Beaks: Right.

Leni Loud: I've gotta sniff the marble!

Harvey Beaks: Well, uh, okay.

Leni Loud: I've gotta lick the marble!

Harvey Beaks: Uhh...

Leni Loud: [washes the marble in a washing machine] I've gotta wash the marble! [dating the marble with a dining table] I've gotta date the marble! [expands herself so that she's the same size as the marble] I've gotta be the marble! [returning back to normal] I've got it! I have see the sculpture within.

Harvey Beaks: Here you go, buddy. [hands Leni sculpting tools] Do me proud!

Leni Loud: With this tool, I shall give birth…… to ART!

Harvey Beaks: Oh, boy. Private yacht, here I come!

[Leni taps marble with the chisel; it shatters into a pile of rubble]

Leni Loud: But, one more thing. [puts a stone beak shaped like Harvey's on it] There. Now it's art. Well, what do you think, Harvey? Just take it all in for a moment. Let it soak in.

Harvey Beaks: Hnnng….. Hnnnng……! Hnnnnnng…… [screaming] AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Harvey screams with frustration and goes insane, runs through the marble and kicks two marbles, eating a part of the marble, he takes paint, squeezes it, kicks a picture, destroys the marble into four pieces, and destroys the other marbles] 

[While Harvey is destroying things, two Harveys in the American Gothic painting form look at each other as they watch Harvey goes ballistic] 

[Harvey continues throwing stuff to the rubble]

Leni Loud: Wow! It looks like the excitement of my artistic triumph is too much for Harvey. Eh, guess the world isn’t ready to appreciate my talents just yet. But in due time, they will! Hee hee! [puts a cereal box on her head] Oh, well, back to the dump.

[Leni runs through the wall and down the road singing in the tune of the William Tell Overture]

Leni Loud: ♪To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump dump. To the dump, to the dump, To the dump, dump dump. ♪

[Meanwhile, Flain walked back into Harvey's classroom, and couldn't believe what he just saw]

Flain: Hey, Harvey! I know I agreed to come back tomorrow, but I just wanted to check up on how things are going and-!... W-what the? W-who is responsible for this?

Harvey Beaks: Rrrgh! As of right now, it's there responsibilities!

[Harvey puts the two hats on Sweepz and Compax's heads]

Harvey Beaks: Good day to you, sir! [leaves the art class]

[it is revealed that when Harvey smashed all of the marble together, he created an even better sculpture than the first one and left without even seeing it]

Flain: [to Sweepz and Compax] You, two, are the greatest artists who ever LIVED!!!!

THE END.